


Who Are You (Really Meant To Be)

by Ophelia57



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017), Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Flirting, Break Up, Coming Out, Drunken Flirting, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Infertility, Love, M/M, Marriage, Mental Breakdown, Slow Romance, True Love, bughead - Freeform, bughead au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-10-27 04:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ophelia57/pseuds/Ophelia57
Summary: The heart wants what the heart wants and sometimes that something you can’t have. Life is about finding the meaning and signs that lead you to the path you are meant to find. However, you have to skirmish the trials and tribulations that keep you from that path.Jughead and Betty. Archie and Veronica. Kevin and Moose. Toni and Cheryl have been together since their days at Riverdale high. Few in the group traveled the world while others stayed in Riverdale. Remnants of the core stayed in constant contact while others chose brevity, but as if tinkered by fate they all found their way back home just in time for their five-year high school reunion. The question is will things be as they were or have the people who once walked those halls changed for good?





	1. The start of something

**November 5th. 1:37 AM**

 

It’s been almost five years since we walked the halls of Riverdale high school. Years since someone last mentioned the attacks of the Black Hood or the Gargoyle King. Life had been amazing. Jughead and I somehow made it work even though we went to college over three thousand miles apart. Archie and Veronica made it work too they wound up getting engaged at the event of the year. Cheryl and Toni got married, they are traveling the world, Kevin and Reggie… those two are still trying to figure out who they are and what they are doing. I never realized how happy I was until a few days ago and now I couldn’t imagine my life getting any better. Everything seems to be sliding into place and I couldn’t be happier. I’ll keep you posted. :)

List of events for the week

  * Doctor's appointment 11/6 9:30 AM
  * Lunch with Jug
  * Dinner party!
  * Interview 11/8



 

I slam my journal shut as I hear the door creak open

  


“What are you doing awake? You have an early morning.” he takes my journal from my hands and sets it on the nightstand before kissing my forehead

  


“I was waiting for you to get off. I don’t like sleeping without you.” He shakes his head as he walks around to his side of the bed. He takes off his pants to reveal his Thanksgiving inspired boxers

  


“I thought I threw those away. How are they back on your body?” He winks at me as he pulls his shirt over his head

  


“No, winking at me. Those will find their way to the trash tomorrow or your new home will be the couch.”

  


“Empty threats… really, Betty, you think I’m scared of you?”

  


“You will be if you don’t throw those away,”

  


“I’d like to see that so I think I’ll hang onto these.”

  


“Fine. game on.” He grins at me and then climbs into bed. He goes to wrap his arms around me but I pull away from him

  


“Nope. No more being the big spoon,”

  


“Betty… come on.”

  


“Not until those boxers find their home in the trash.”

  


“You’re serious?” I nod and he shakes his head before taking a deep breath in. He crawls out of bed and walks into our bathroom. Moments later he reemerges wearing the Christmas ones he got as a white elephant gift

  


“Better?” I can’t help laughing at him

  


“No, but I’m cold, so they will have to do. Come to bed.”

He smiles at me and then runs towards me. He jumps on the bed causing me to squeal like a schoolgirl. He tries to tickle me but stops himself and kisses me instead. He flops down next to me and pulls me into him

  


“I love you, Betts,”

  


“I love you to Jug,” He kisses my head one last time before I fall asleep.

  


When I wake up Jug has all the blankets and is all snuggled up, the sunlight kissing his hair just right. A grin splits across my face as I push a curl from his face. Even though this boy drives me up a wall with his crazy ideas and themed underwear, I can’t help being head over heels in love with him. I plant a soft kiss on his forehead before climbing out of bed. I grab my phone off the nightstand and head into the bathroom. When I come back out Jug is still sound asleep. I want nothing more than to crawl back into bed with him, but I have to be at the doctors in less than thirty minutes. I rush out the door and into my car. I shoot Jug a quick good morning; I love you text and then hit the road.

  


When I pull into the parking lot, my stomach finds it’s way into my throat. I guess I never realized how nervous this appointment has me. The sit in the waiting room drags on until finally

 

 

> "Elizabeth Cooper,"

 

I walk back and they run through their usual procedures before telling me that the doctor will be with me shortly.

 

**November 5 11:27 AM**

Well, the doctor's appointment didn’t go as planned and honestly, I couldn’t feel worse about the news I got. I mean I’m a good person so why do I deserve this. Why do these things happen to me… what did I do..?

 

I can’t even finish my journal entry. I can’t stop crying and I am filled with rage. I close my journal and then I can no longer think straight. The next thing I know is the lamp that was on Jugs nightstand now lies in pieces on the floor. I lay back on the bed and let the tears flow as freely as they want. Eventually, the tears and screaming don’t make me feel better, so I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. I open the fridge to have a glass of wine, but I am in need of something stronger. I shut the fridge and climb on to the counter to break into Jugs secret stash of hard liquor. I go to grab a glass but what's the point in a glass when both the bottle and I have lips. I press the bottle against my mouth and chug it down. The burning feeling trickles from my throat to my stomach and I can feel myself getting warmer with each drink. I look over at the clock, **12:45**. I have four hours until I have to meet Jug at Archie and Veronica's, and I know that I won't be able to drive by then, so I pull out my phone and text Archie

  


‘Hiiiii! You know this dinner we have?’

  


Not even a minute later my phone _pings_

  


‘Yes… what do you need?’

  


‘I am im eed of a ride.’

  


Three little dots appear on my screen and then disappear only to reappear before his response

  


‘Okay. I will come and get you now then. Kevin is on his way over to help me get everything ready since Ronnie is going to be late... Be ready in five minutes.’

 

I put my phone down and finish what's left in the what was once full bottle and make my way upstairs to make myself Look not so Brtty Cooper. The walk upstairs is harder than anything I’ve done before. I fall multiple times but somehow make it up, get changed, and make it back down. I wait by the door… It was so nice when they lived next door. I could already be there by now, but no, they had to move across town. I see his truck pull up outside of the house so I run out falling flat on my face as I reach the bottom of the stairs. Archie jumps out of his truck and runs towards me

  


“Holy shit Betts! Are you okay?” I peel myself off the ground and sit back on my legs

  


“Ow,”

  


“You’re bleeding,” He says as he touches my forehead. I reach my fingers up to meet his. The skin under my fingers is hot and soaked. I pull my fingers down and try to focus in on the hot red liquid that covers my fingers

  


“Oh, shit I am,” I laugh and then look down at my legs

  


“Here too,” I let my fingers graze over my knee and then down to my shin. Archie looks down at me and laughs

  


“You are a mess, Cooper. Let’s get going,” He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me off the ground. We walk to his truck and he helps me in. We pull up outside but he locks the door

  


“Okay, Cooper I need to know why you're intoxicated before three.” I look out the window and try to avoid the question, but Archie won't unlock the door until I talk so I guess there's no avoiding it. I look over at him and tears pool in my eyes

  


“Archie, please… I can’t do this right now. I want to go inside and continue to feel better.” He makes eye contact with me and seems to understand

  


“Fine, but if you need anything I’m here.”

  


I smile up at him and he unlocks the door and I try climbing out but almost fall again so I wait for Archie to walk around. He walks over and puts his arm under my armpits. We walk into the house and sets me on the couch

  


“What do you want to drink?”

  


“The _strongest_ stuff you have, please,”

  


I can hear him laugh as I lay down and try to stop the room from spinning. Moments later he walks into the room and hands me a large glass of dark liquid

  


“What’s this?”

  


“Just try it.”

  


I sit up and grab the glass from his hands. I put it against my lips and chug. The liquid is sweet and flows down my throat like water

  


“Mmm, Rum & Coke… you know me so well.”

  


I finish the rest of the drink in record time and all I want to do is dance. I walk out to the kitchen where Archie is desperately trying to make Pizza dough.

  


“I wanna dance. Dance with me.” I pull his hands away from the dough and throw it on the counter

  


“No, Betty I need to make this dinner perfect and Kevin is late.”

  


“Well then dance until he gets here and then you two can make our food. Pleaseeeeee,”

  


He takes a deep breath and then tells his Alexa to play ‘Bettys jams’. The speakers come to life as Avril Lavigne voice sings about how she could be your girlfriend. I spin around and around jumping on his couch. We are so lost in the music and our drinks we don’t even notice when the door opens.

  


“Oh, my god. What are you two doing?”

  


“KEVIN,”

  


I scream over the music and Archie's face falls. Suddenly the music stops as Archie fixes his hair and pretends like he wasn’t totally digging the music. I jump off of the couch and sprint over wrapping him in the biggest hug ever

  


“OH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!” He pulls away from me

  


"Okay not in my ear and I was getting this," He holds up two bottles of champagne

  


“But I can tell we don’t need it.”

  


“Oh, but we do. You two need to be on this level. It’s amazing!”

  


I grab the bottle and stumble in to the kitchen. I get over the sink and pop the top. The liquid flows over my hand. I put the bottle up against my lips only pulling it away when the boys come barreling in. Kevin take the bottle from me and I lick the sticky liquid gold off of my hand


	2. As a Skunk

“Betty! Are you serious that’s for dinner, and why are you drunk before an appropriate time?”

 

 

“Dude I’ve been drunk all day so shove it, and who cares about this stupid dinner. I want to party.”

 

 

“What the hell is her problem?”

 

 

“How am I supposed to know? I picked her up like this. She was too buzzed to drive,”

 

 

“Guys I’m right here and I’m  _ fine _ feelin' groovy.”

 

 

“Betty are you sure?”

 

 

“Yes. I need another drink.”

 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

 

I nod “after the day I’ve had. Yeah… I’m sure.” I want to tell them that there’s a reason for this and that if they only knew…

 

 

Archie and Kevin slave away in the kitchen as I lay on the couch. The world spins and It’s like I’m floating. I contemplate curling up into a ball and submitting myself to the despair but before I can there is a knock on the door. I try to sit up but that makes the spinning worse.

 

 

“Archie! Someones here.” the clattering in the kitchen gets louder

 

 

“Can you get it?”

 

 

“Yeah totally. Let me get the door.”

 

 

I slide off the couch and rest on my knees before trying to stand. The knocking on the door grows more annoyed the longer I take

 

 

“I’M COMING!” 

 

the knocking stops. I use the cushions to pull myself up as I stand the word tilting in slow motion. I grab the arm of the couch until everything feels normal. I take a step forward, my legs are heavy, part of me isn’t sure I even have legs. I use every piece of furniture I pass to remain upright. I get to the door and fumble with the handle. It won’t push down. I use all my weight and finally, the door fly's in. I stumble backward but bump into something hard before I can crash to the ground. It takes a while to steady myself but when I do I look up to see one of the worlds most beautiful men standing in front of me.

 

 

“REGGIE!” 

 

I squeal as I lose my grip on the dresser. He reaches his arms out and catches me. I throw my arms around his neck and give him the biggest hug 

 

 

“How are you?”

 

 

“Cooper, I’m good, lonely, but good! How are you?”

 

 

“I feel  _ good _ . Very. very.  **_Good_ ** .”  __

 

 

“I can see that. What are we celebrating?”

 

 

“Old friends and being together.”

 

 

“We spend almost every weekend together.”

 

 

“I KNOW! But Cher and Toni are coming!”

 

 

“True. Well then, let me get a drink and join you.” he walks into the kitchen and reappears with a beer

 

 

“So what are we doing to kill time?”

 

 

I throw up my free arm

 

 

“Lying around watchin’ the grass grow.”

 

 

“That doesn’t sound like fun.”

 

 

“It’s not, but no one will dance with me. They are _ too _ busy cooking.”

 

 

“Well, I’m not cooking.” he sets his beer down on the table then extends his hands 

 

 

“So let’s dance.”   

 

 

A smile pricks in the corner of my mouth as I eagerly latch on to his arm

 

 

“Okay! Let’s dance!”

 

 

He pulls me up and sways me back and forth

 

 

“No, not this kind of dancing!” 

 

he smiles then walks over and changes the song. ’Party in the USA’ blares through the speakers. Reggie turns back to face me and the smile that covers his face warms my heart.

 

 

“I love this song.”

 

 

He throws his hands in the air and spins around the room. Which only makes me giggle. I don’t know if it was because I’ve had alcohol, but seeing him like this all relaxed and floppy made me want to set him up with someone so they could see him like this. He stops mid-move

 

 

 

“I thought you wanted to dance. Why aren’t you dancing?”

 

 

I shrug my shoulders and dance. I close my eyes and let the music take me. Reggie grabs my hand and spins me around. My head feels light and my free arm smacks him in the side. As I go to finish the spin, my feet get all tangled up and I crumble to the floor. I want to breakdown and cry but I can’t all I can do is laugh. Then it hits me, life is too short to dwell on things so I let go. Let my worries, my pain, and sorrow go. Right here, right now I am living. I can worry about life and it’s immensity another day.

 

 

“I’ve heard that this is where the party is…” 

 

 

I was so lost in not giving a fuck I never heard the door open. His voice is low and so damn attractive. He walks over to where I am and wraps his arms around my waist. He puts his lips up against my ear and kisses my lobe

 

 

“Hi, baby. Having fun?”

 

 

I spin sloppily into his arms and grab his chin

 

 

“I am! I’m so happy that you’re here. I missed you.”

 

 

“I missed you. You smell like rum… is everything okay? Hey Reg” 

 

 

he’s so kind and caring. I don’t deserve him. He is worried about me and he doesn’t even know that he has every reason to. I let my hand wander down his neck to his shoulder, his bicep I feel his muscles contract as he holds me tighter. He is not only amazing, but he is perfect. My fingers work their way back up to his face I run my thumb over his lips. How on earth are his lips perfect too?

 

 

“Woah you’re hot.”

 

 

He stops mid-sentence and looks down at me.

 

 

“You’re drunk”

 

 

“No I’m not, watch!” 

 

I wiggle from his grip and put one foot in front of the other and my finger on my nose. I pretend that I’m on a balance beam and take one step forward. I feel my other leg wobble and then cut my act short and go get another drink. I run into the kitchen and grab the other bottle of champagne

 

 

“BETTY!” 

 

 

Kevin yells. I ignore his protests and put the bottle to my lips. The liquid runs down my throat like water warming me as it goes. I am lost on making sure the sweet liquid stays in my mouth until Archie pries it from my fingers.

 

 

“Hey. Give that back.” I furrow my eyebrows and cross my arms

 

 

“No, Betty this is for dinner. Drink the expensive bourbon you already opened.”

 

 

“Why are you such a prick?” he slams the bottle down

 

 

“And why are you a trashy drunk?”

 

His words make me think of everything I’ve learned in the past twelve hours, and he’s right I’m nothing more than a damn drunk. I pull my lip between my teeth and try to choke back tears. A single tear escapes, Archie reaches out to grab my arm and I pull away

 

 

“Nope. Thank you though. You know you're right so thank you.”

I walk over to the cart of alcohol and grab the open bottle of bourbon saluting him as I head upstairs. I struggle to keep my balance but make it somehow. I open the only door at the top and wander into the largest master bedroom I’ve ever seen. I walk into the bathroom and marvel at how large the tub is.

 

“You could have a pool party in here”

 

I wander into Ronnie closet, and then into Archie’s. Somehow ending up back in the main room. I flop down on their bed and stare up at the fan.

 

“I wonder if that’s made of pure gold.” 

 

I take another swig and pull my knees to my chest. I am seconds away from letting the pain consume me when I hear Cheryl announce herself. That’s my cue to head back downstairs. I stash the bottle under the bed and somehow make it downstairs. I peek in the kitchen to see if anyone is there and the only person I find is Kevin.

 

 

“Need any help?” He looks up from his salad

 

 

“No, ma’am just about ready to eat. Go sit and relax” 

 

 

he smiles before going back to working on his salad. I guess there’s no more avoiding this. I take a deep breath before opening the door to the living room.

 

 

“Oh, Sweet cousin Betty! How I’ve missed you!” 

 

Cheryl wraps her arms around me. I want to hug her back but any more physical contact than customary will release the dam

 

 

“I’ve missed you too Cher. How was the world?”

 

 

“Beautiful! I wish you could have gone with us, but nooo work and wedding planning," She hugs me again “I really have missed you.”

 

 

“Enough sap! Ugh, tell me all about your trip.”

 

 

She smiles and takes her seat next to Toni and tells us all about what she saw. Only stopping when Kev calls

 

 

“Dinners ready, let’s eat!”

 

The buzz is wearing off and all I want to do is sleep, things are no longer funny, and sadness is waiting for its moment to burst out, but I continue to fake being drunk to keep those around me happy or at least distracted. However, I need to cry because hearing Cheryl and Toni talk about how happy they are makes my skin crawl.

 

 

“Bathroom!” I blurt out in the middle of their giggling “I need to use the  _ BaTHroom”  _

 

 

I pull myself up off the couch and stumble off in a random direction. The only thing keeping me is an annoying pull at my arm. I try to shake free but that only makes the grip tighter

 

 

“Betty do you need help?” he coos mid-laugh while holding on to my arm so that's the culprit. 

 

 

“BeTtY dO yOu NeEd HeLp. Noooo I am perfectly capable of finding the bathroom in the Lodges new home. The oversized, future home of their children, with twelve-foot ceilings, and crown molding. I can find one of the seventy-five bathrooms, so you can let go of my arm and rejoin the party.”

 

 

He hesitates but finally let's go

 

 

“Okay, when you get back we are leaving.”

 

 

“Whatever you say.”

 

 

I slam back what’s left in my glass and head towards where I think the bathroom is. I take a few steps by myself but then I have to grab on to the wall to keep me from falling. I heard Archie say ‘first door on the left, so I slide my hand down the wall until I come in contact with the first door. I grab the handle and turn. The handle sticks but I use all of my strength and it turns the rest of the way. The room is dark, my drunk eyes have to adjust. I blink rapidly until the room stops spinning. I take one wobbly step in and then his red hair comes into focus. I squint harder to see who he’s with... My jaw hits the floor. I stand in the doorway watching until it hits me what will happen if I don’t say something

 

 

“Holy fuck... What are you two doing?” 

 


	3. Intoxication and it's ramifications

The words fumble from my mouth and barely sound like words. I watch as Kevin fixes his hair and Archie pulls on his shirt the two of them separating faster than water and oil. 

 

 

“Oh, my god Betty! You weren’t supposed-”

 

 

“GET OUT!” I can see the vein in Archies neck pop as he hisses at me and cuts Kevin off. I ignore Archies protests and walk into the room sitting in the now open space.

 

 

“You two… were toootally kissing!!” I make kissing sounds and Kevin hits me with a pillow. I slump over on the bed a giggling mess

 

 

“Betty keep it down!” Archie puts his hand over my mouth. I stick my tongue out licking his palm. His noes scrunches up as he wipes his now damp hand on his pants.

 

 

“You can’t tell anyone, okay?” I nod trying to look serious but I would definitely be telling Jughead. I tell him  _ almost _ everything. I tell him everything he needs to know

 

 

“NO!” Archie scolds

 

 

“What?” I try sounding shocked

 

 

“Wipe that look off your face. You can’t tell Jughead. NO ONE can know! Got it.”

 

 

“How did you know I was planning on telling Jug?” He rolls his eyes at me

 

 

“Betty I’ve known you since we were four. Every tell sign you have… I know, so don’t even think about telling him.”

 

 

“I wasn’t-”

 

 

“Stop lying and get out.” I can hear the anger rising in his voice.

 

 

“Oh, tough guy. I’d be nicer since I know that you and Kevin were  _ sh _ mooshing faces. Otherwise, I’m telling everyone.” I hiccup in his direction. He helps me up off the bed

 

 

“You smell like bourbon Betty are you sure we shouldn’t be concerned about you and the secret you’re hiding?” I giggle at him but end up hiccuping again. 

 

 

“I’ll be fine.” I jab my finger at the tip his nose “Iloveyou…  _ hic…  _ butIloveJugmore _ hic  _ wheresJug  _ hic _ ?” the world is getting blurry again and I struggle to keep my eyes open between hiccups. I flop back down on the bed, my limbs heavy “FiNd Jughead.” 

 

My mouth feels like it’s full of cotton. I feel the weight next to me shift so I force my eye open. I watch Kevin crawl off the bed and leave the room. The door clicks shut behind him and Archie lays back down next to me.

 

 

“Betty are you okay? You never drink and now here you are, wasted… I’m worried.” oh Archie Andrews if only you knew you weren’t the only one keeping a secret. I let my eyes flutter shut and snuggle into him

 

 

“Arch. I.  _ hic  _ have- I-” the door opens again

 

 

“I hear you didn’t find the bathroom” his voice is smooth and warm I swear it could melt the coldest of hearts or ice cream… both valid options. A smile erupts on my face as I use Archie to pull myself up so I can see his beautiful face

 

 

“HI, Juggie Joness! I  _ hic _ loves you.”

 

 

“I love you. How about we get you home.” he walks over and wraps his arm around me. I put my mouth up against his ear

 

 

“Ummmm…. NO! You aren’t my boss Soo you cAN’T Make me.”

 

 

“Really?” his breath on my neck sends chills down my spine. I feel the need hide the way he makes me feel 

 

 

“YEah, we are in the  _ bedrooom _ so I’M the bOss.”

 

 

“Yeah okay. We are going home before you tell our friends everything.” He stifles his amusement. 

 

 

“Okey Mister bossy pants.” He picks me up and I feel so light “Ooo if only you did that before sex.” I rest my head against his shoulder as he carries me out towards the living room

 

 

“Ah it‘s all my friends. I looovve you all sooo much. Likesomuch. I can’twait to seeyouall grow up. I just-just love. All!” They all say stuff back but like my eyelids are so heavy and the world is spinning that all I can muster is a half assed wave.

 

We get out to the car and I stare up at Jug and blow in his face

 

 

“I love the smell of cheap wine, rum, and  bourbon mixed with whatever you had for dinner, thank you.”

 

 

“You’re welcome” I squish his cheeks together

 

 

“Holy shit I’m  _ still  _ DRUNK.”

 

 

“Yes, you are.”

 

“Hey. You’re cute. You should kiss me.” He laughs before setting me down and wrapping his arms around my waist. I think he’s going to kiss me! Oh, boy, Jughead Jones is gonna kiss me. I perch myself up on my toes and pucker up but instead of kissing me he opens the car door

 

 

“Get in. I need to get you home and into bed before you get emotional”

 

 

“That’s mean… why are you so mean?” haha before I get emotional… I’m an emotional wreck but I’ve learned how to hide it. Jokes on you.

 

 

“Nope, not going there tonight. Get in, please.”

 

 

“Kiss” I cross my arms and pout like a child. 

 

 

He takes a deep breath in as he runs his hands through my hair. I tap my foot, not paying any attention to his annoyance. He takes on final breath before gently grabbing my face between his hands and pulling me closer. He plants a soft kiss on my lips. His lips are soft and everything I’ve ever wanted in life, so when he pulls away there is an ache in my chest

 

 

“You taste much worse than you smell.”

 

 

“I love you too,”  _ hiccup _

 

 

“Get in the car.”

 

 

I grin at him and flop on to the backseat. Laying down only makes things worse especially the nausea, but nothing makes me feel as awful as the motion of the car.

 

I don’t know how long we are in the car but I can’t take it anymore. The bumps in the road and the new car smell make the nausea unignorable. I cover my eyes and take deep breaths to keep from ruing the interior, but it feels like a million degrees and won’t stop spinning

 

 

“Jug it's hot I can’t breathe” I pull my shirt over my head

 

 

“No Baby, leave that on. We are almost home and then you can take it off and crawl into bed, okay?”

 

 

“No! I NEED it OFF!” I get it over my head and then fling it to towards my feet. I thought that would help, but I can still feel it rising in my throat

 

 

“Pullover.”

 

 

“We are almost home can’t you make it?”

 

 

“NO! PULL OVER!” 

 

he slams on the breaks and I use the back of the seat to pull myself up. I fight with the door and finally get it open. I throw myself on the ground, my hair falls into my face the cold dirt squishing between my fingers as I try to stable myself, but there's no time. I feel my stomach clench as a hiccup works its way up my throat, then the heaving begins, and then with one violent contraction the congealed contents of my stomach emerge on the concrete in front of me. I can hear Jughead asking if I’m okay, but I can’t answer him because before I know it another wave of nausea crashes over me. I lurch forward just in time for the acid that once called my stomach home to appear. The vomiting stops and I am suddenly aware of everything going on around me. His fingers feel nice as the graze the back of my neck. The majority of my body weight rests on him because if I move I am scared that I will fall face first into my vomit. When the heaving stops, and I have expelled everything from my body, I open my eyes. The world keeps spinning but now to top it off, my head is pounding. I take a deep breath and adjust so I’m not looking directly at my dinner

 

 

“I’m so sorry.” I can feel the tears in my voice as remorse washes over me. Jughead continues to hold my hair as well as stroking my back with his free hand

 

 

“Baby it’s okay we have all been here.”

 

 

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay. I am awful. I can’t do anything right, and now I’m throwing up on the side of the road like some teenager. You should leave me. I am no good for you. You deserve so much better than me.” he lets go of my hair and then sits down beside me

 

 

“Come here.” I shake my head and then lay on the clean ground away from my vomit. The cool concrete helps stop the spinning as well as siphoning the heat from my body

 

 

“Baby let’s get you home.”

 

 

“No.”

 

 

“Come on” he grabs my arm and pulls me up off the ground

 

 

“Stop it. Leave me here to die.”

 

 

“Stop being dramatic” he wraps his arm around my waist and my head flops on his shoulder. He helps me up and into the front seat

 

 

“Maybe if you are sitting up, then you won't get sick again.”

 

 

“Okay. I’m sleepy” he buckles me up and then walks around to the driver's seat.

 

I try sleeping on the drive home but the smell clings to my nose hairs and all I can do is think about how I wish today would have never happened. If today would have never happened I could have gone on blissfully ignorant. I push the thought from my head to keep the tears at bay. I keep my head pressed against the window, its cold surface cools my skin. We pull up in front of the house and I watch as Jug puts the car into park and then i can no longer control my tongue. 

 

 

“I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up… I’m sorry I keep holding you back. I’ve ruined everything and now you're stuck. I’m so sorry.” tears stain my cheeks and it’s becoming harder to breathe

 

 

“I'm so sorry. I’m so-”  Jughead grabs my hand squeezing it tightly 

 

 

“Look at me.” I shake my head "Betty."  look over at him, lip quivering. He runs his thumb under my eye 

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for," I look back down at the ground, “I said look at me.” he tilts my chin back up so I am looking him dead in the eye “I love you and there is very little you could do to make me stop.” He runs his thumb down my face “I love you.” His words are absolute “Now let's get you to bed?”

I nod and then wait for him to help me into the house.

 

 

**November something at super drunk o'clock**

I wish I could have found time to have kids I never thought my life would come to this. I thought I would have kids. I’d love to be a mom. Also, I saw Archie and Kevin kissing. I think they will have cute babies. Nevermind they can’t have babies. Silly me. I think Jug will leave me when he finds out the truth. Who wants to stay with a piece of shit. Not I said the fly. I’d leave me alone to die…

 

 

I let my journal fall to the floor before rolling over. My nose brushes across Jugs as he breathes softly. His breath smells like cool mint. That’s the toothpaste I’ve been buying him for as long as we’ve been living together. I reach my hand out and run my fingers over his stubble. I don’t like stubble but I love him so I guess it’s okay. He shifts and then reaches his hand up resting it on mine

 

 

“Betts, please never apologize like that again.” I scoot down and snuggle into him

 

 

“Okay… goodnight,”

 

 

“Goodnight Betts” he wraps his arm around me pulling me closer to him. I drift off to the smell of mint toothpaste and Jughead.

 

I wake up too hot as nausea creeps up my throat. I throw the covers off of me and sprint for the bathroom. I lift the lid and sink down wrapping my hands around the seat and resting my forehead on the lid. The heaving begins but nothing happens. I hear footsteps run after me but keep my head buried in the toilet. Jugs hands run up and down my back

 

 

“I hate that you keep seeing me like this.”

 

 

“Hey, when I proposed I knew what I was signing up for, and I wanted it for life.”

 

 

“You still want to marry me after this?”

 

 

“Eh I haven’t decided yet, but the signs are pointing towards yes.”  I slump back on the floor next to him and rest my head on his chest.

 

 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out that door and never came back.” he plants a kiss on my head before pulling me against him.

 

 

“How about we put this conversation to rest and go get breakfast with Archie and Veronica? I heard she came home this morning.”

 

 

“Shame she didn’t get back when she was supposed to, she missed a rager.” He chuckles while pulling me tight against him. I don't want him to let me go, but he wants to do breakfast then I need to get read. ”give me a minute?” 

 

he nods and plants one final kiss on my head before rising and leaving the room. I use the toilet pull myself up off the ground and walk over to the sink trying to piece together what happened last night.

I splash water over my eyes and squeeze them tightly. The only images that aren’t fuzzy are those of vomit and kissing… Kevin and Archie kissing.

 


	4. About last night

I finish getting ready, pull on one of Jugs flannels, and head downstairs. I round the corner to the kitchen and see Jug standing in front of the sink.

 

“Hi, pretty girl.”

  
  


“Who are you calling pretty? I look like Satan's ass.” He saunters over to where I am.

  
  


“I made coffee, and you do. Look beautiful that is.”

  
  


“You’re too nice. How did I get so lucky?” he shrugs before planting a soft kiss on my lips.

“I love you.”I roll my eyes and take a gulp of my coffee

  
  


“Are you not going to say it back?”

  
  


“I love… coffee. I love it so much.” he rolls his eyes 

  
  


“Well, if you love it so much then marry it, but whatever you do let’s go.” He opens the door and motions for me to walk out. I grab my cup and walk out the door. I am about to step down when Jug slaps my ass

 

“I,” he looks me up and down  “love that ass.”

 

I turn around and he is grinning from ear to ear. I take a step towards him and he grabs my waist pulling me to him. I snake my hands in his hair

  
  


“Then why don’t you marry it?” he rolls his eyes and brushes his nose against mine “I love you.”

  
  


“As much as coffee?” sarcasm laces his voice

  
  


“Much, much more” He tightens his grip before planting another kiss on my lips

  
  


“All right you dork, let’s go.”

 

We pull up outside Pop’s and Archie and Ronnie are already inside. We walk in and they are all snuggly. Did I imagine last night? Or is he cheating on her? Jug squeezes my hand

  
  


“You okay?”

  
  


“Yeah sorry just last night kicking my ass.”

  
  


“You’d tell me if there was anything else right?”

  
  


“Of course… Let’s sit.” We walk over to our booth

  
  


“Hey, guys! Sorry I couldn’t make it last night. Things got a little intense at our meeting.” do I say something or keep my mouth shut… Last nights image flashes through my mind and I know I have to say something. I need to know what the hell happened... I don’t know if I’ll strike a chord but I have to try.

  
  


“Yeah, I don’t know if Archie told you but things got intense for us too.” Archie chokes on his water as his cheeks flush. I have my answer…

  
  


“Well Ronnie, you should have been here and not off at some meeting with people who don’t care about you.” Archie snaps.

  
  


“Arch please, not now. Can we please just enjoy breakfast?”

  
  


“Fine, but we will talk about this later.”

  
  


Both Jug and I look at each other. I am so happy that Jug and I don’t fight like this. We continue to sit there and watch them bicker. Watching this makes part of me understand what happened last night happened. She is never here and Kevin and Archie have been hanging out since she opened the New York office. Kev gives him the attention he needs. Even though I’m beginning to understand why he did it, I can’t support it and it’s making me anxious. I’m not aware of how anxious until Jug leans over and whispers in my ear

  
  


“Babe, you squeeze my hand any harder and It’ll fall off. Are you sure everything is okay?”

  
  


“Yeah, sorry just trying not to vomit.”

  
  


“The food will be here soon, so I guess you can keep squeezing until then.” he kisses my cheek and runs his thumb over this spot rubbing the subtle dampness from his lips away

  
  


”I love you.” I feel like shit lying to him “After brunch, we need to talk” my voice no longer a whisper

  
  


“Okay... you said everything is okay right?”

  
  


“Yeah, It’s not about me” I lock eyes with Archie and I watch as panic sets in. His jaw clenches and he shifts in his seat

  
  


“Hey Betts, can I talk to you outside for a minute?” 

  
  


I glance over at Jug before nodding at him. Jug lets me out of the booth but never takes his eyes off me. I give him a reassuring smile and follow Archie out into the parking lot. The blurry images from last night keep running through my head. I try not to think about them as Archie talks but I can’t help it. All I can see are his hands tangled in Kevin’s hair and before I know it I am blurting out what I’ve been thinking all morning.

  
  


“Why were you kissing Kevin?” his rosy cheeks again flushed

  
  


“I was hoping you wouldn’t remember-”

  
  


“Well, I do. Does Ronnie know?” I snap and he stares at the ground “I take that as a no?”

He looks back up at me and shakes his head

  
  


“Betts you can’t tell her. I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m not ready to be out.”

  
  


“She’s my best friend! Do you expect me to keep this from her?”

  
  


“I would never ask you to do that, but am I not your friend too?”

  
  


“Arch that’s not fair! You are cheating on her and when she finds out, I knew and didn’t tell her… it will crush her!” I’m thankful that no one is in the parking lot because screaming at him makes me feel a little better

  
  


“Wait so you won’t tell her?” I look over at Ronnie and Jug sitting in our usual booth. Everything in me wants to run in and tell her. Tell her that the man she loves is in love with my other best friend, but the other part of me knows it’s not my story to tell.

  
  


“Can I tell Jug?” I turn back to face him, his eye are larger than life

  
  


“No.. NO! He cannot know. What will he think about his lifelong best friend being gay? We used to sleep in the same bed. God no, you cannot tell him”

  
  


“He’s my fiance Arch. I don’t lie to him.”

  
  


“So don’t. Just don’t tell him anything.”

  
  


“You just want me to keep this from my fiance and best friend?”

  
  


“I know I’m asking a lot, but please just until I’m ready… also if you tell him… I’ll-.” I watch as he struggles to gather his thoughts

  
  


“You’ll what Arch?”

  
  


“I’ll tell him why you were belligerent last night”

  
  


He has no idea why I was drunk, he’s just grasping at straws but I’ll play along

  
  


“You know…”

  
  


“Yeah- of course, I do.”

  
  


“Am I not just the worst person in the world?” I let the pain I’ve buried seep into my voice.

  
  


“I mean… I guess people have done worse…”

  
  


“No. No one is worse than me. I hate that I’m hurting him like this. I’m not sure how you even look at me.” Emotion rips from my chest. I know he has no idea what’s going on as shock and confusion consume him. I know he just wants me to feel bad but I cannot contain the ghost who has been haunting me. It feels good to let it out.

  
  


“He’ll forgive you for this. He loves you, Betts.” Enough is enough, time to wrap this up.

  
  


“But he won’t after he finds out what I did.”

  
  


“You just weren’t thinking. He will understand it’s only just-” He pauses leaving room for me to “fill in” what I did.

  
  


“I can’t believe I ate his burger” I wail and watch the smug grin fall from his lips. Finally! I compose myself before glaring up at him

  
  


“Arch… what do you think I did?” He looks to the floor his brown eyes swimming with anxiety. I watch as he knots and unknots his finger

  
  


“I don’t know. Did you cheat?” I want nothing more than to reach out and slap him. Why the hell would I cheat on Jug? Just because he’s doing it doesn’t mean everyone is.

  
  


“Me. Cheat on Jughead. Really?” The harsh tone of my voice rips through the morning air laughter threatening to burst out of me. I lose the fight, laughter spills from my lips as he heads for the door.

  
”Betts...” his voice is low. So low that I contemplate if that's what he said. I look up at him one last time, tears threaten to spill any second. 

“Fine. I’ll keep your damn secret, but I want to talk to Kevin. Also, we need to talk about when and how long but right now I need to eat.” I blurt out after collecting myself

  
  


“You don’t hate me?” he looks like a sad puppy

  
  


“Arch I can’t hate you because you are gay, that’s not me, but I do not like nor support you cheating on my best friend. I also don’t enjoy lying, but no, I don’t hate you.” he goes in for a hug “Not now. After we’ve talked okay?” he looks sad but agrees. I take one final deep breath before walking back into Pop’s. I head over to our table and slide in next to Jug. He asks something but I ignore him and rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.

  
  


“What were you two talking about?” Her voice is full of love and curiosity. I open my eyes expecting her to be talking to me but she’s staring off over my shoulder. Archie slides in next to her

  
  


“You.”

  
  


“You were talking about moi?” excitement creeps into her eyes and her face glows. I can only imagine how hurt she will be when the rug is ripped out from under her

  
  


“We sure were”

  
  


“All good things I hope.”

  
  


“Only the best” 

  
  


He leans in and plants a soft kiss on her lips. Everything in me wants to scream  _ he’s cheating _ on you but I told him I wouldn’t. So I’ll just sit here and chew on my lip waiting for my food to get here. I keep watching them being all playful and clingy as images from last cloud my judgment. I can’t watch this anymore

  
  


“I’m going to the restroom.”

  
  


I slide out of the booth and storm off. Once in the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and slide down against the door. Why does he think I’ll lie for him? God only knows I can’t lie to save my life. Especially to Jug, he will see right through me. Maybe that’s for the best I can just tell Arch that he guessed what was going on.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door that pulls me from my hysteria

  
  


“Sorry, occupied.”

  
  


“Betts it’s me… can I come in?” Jugs voice whispers

  
  


“Just give me a minute. I don’t feel good. A wild night you know.”

 

“You’re telling me. Is there anything I can do?”

  
  


“Yeah… can you go get my stuff and wait in the car? I want to go home.”

  
  


“You haven’t eaten yet, are you sure?”

  
  


“Yes. We can make pizza or go get something else. I just don’t want to be here”

  
  


“Oh.. okay. I’ll be in the car.”

  
  


I wait until I hear his boots click away and then pull myself off the ground and splash some water on my face. I take a long look at myself in the mirror

  
  


“This is going to bite me in the ass… great,”

  
  


I unlock the door and head back out. I am able to sneak out without being seen. I know that Ronnie will be pissed at us for bailing but I can’t just sit there and watch him pretend to be in love with her. Hell, maybe he loves her in his own twisted way, but I can’t bear to watch this any longer. I’m thankful that Jug has pulled the car up so I don’t have to trek across the parking lot. He leans across the car and opens my door. I slide in and make myself as small as I can. We are barely out of the parking lot when he grabs my thigh  

 

“Are you going to tell me why we are leaving?” 

 

I try to pull away from him but he tightens his grip. I look over at him as tear pool in my eyes. I think if I would have known what I know now, I would have done everything so differently. I wouldn’t have pushed everything so hard. I would have just gone with the flow, but the days for that are gone and this is my new reality… this is my life

  
  


“Betts?” I force myself to stop looking at him and turn my attention the road ahead

  
  


“Yeah sorry, I just really want to go home. I have a migraine and I’m sad for no reason.”

  
  


“Okay… Promise you’ll tell me if there’s anything I can do?”

  
  


I lace my fingers with his. Oh, my sweet man how I wish I could tell you everything. You are the last person I want to keep things from, yet you are the one all the secrets will hurt the most. I want to scream the truth to you and then let you make your own decisions, but for now, I want to be selfish. I hold his hand tighter and pull it to my lips and then with my voice barely a whisper  

  
  


“I promise…”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, it's been quite some time, but I'm back! Finals are over and it's summer. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think is going to happen down below! ❤️❤️


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